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We've been close companions with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered many hardships, which I admire. But, she has been often caught off guard by people. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was an unexpected event. A lot of close acquaintances vanished at that point, because they seemed drawn to him. She was stunned by her. She made increased attention to be my friend, probably grasped better what friendship was.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, many of her friends have disappeared and she isn't sure why. Her previous job became hostile, even though she had been very skilled at her work, and she left without knowing what had changed.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, both of us stepped back from work and are seeing each other more, but I am finding the part I play between us is to listen. I start subjects but she shifts the talk toward her own topics. Politically, she expresses unyielding views. I attempt to suggest verifying facts and different perspectives.

She has been organizing a holiday abroad I've visited repeatedly and lived in for some time. I tried to offer insights, however, my input not welcomed. She essentially only wanted validation of her plans. I've just returned from a month there and she wants to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to be a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, yet I doubt she'll truly understand the impact of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. At this point, I am in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

It's possible to walk away, yet this is not often the peaceful resolution we imagine. But confrontation with a view to working things out requires bravery and readiness for each of you.

Experts suggest using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one involves describing the usual pattern in your conversations. Aim for this to be based on facts like an unbiased account. Next is to tell her how it affects you emotionally. This allows for no argument about this. What you feel are valid, naturally. Finally is to ask ways you together going to change the pattern of your friendship."

Keep in mind your friend holds perspectives, so you need to remain ready to hear that. A helpful technique is telling her:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably impactful to encourage better communication.

Closing Considerations

This person could ignore all you say, as some people hold onto a “survival narrative”: they have a version of their life they're unable to abandon since their identity relies on it and it's all they trust. This is difficult because there's no thoroughfare here, just dead ends. But she may initially present defensively and then think your perspective. And should a resolution isn't found a fix, you'll have closure that you've been open and direct.